


Thanksgiving Bitter

by TheSpaminator



Series: Hollstein prompt AU [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Carmilla making homophobes uncomfortable, F/F, Family Dinner, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I was cackling while writing this, Suggestive language, heavy flirts, rent a date, so many innuendos, thanksgiving oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 07:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5282594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpaminator/pseuds/TheSpaminator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla is Laura's rent a date to her families Thanksgiving dinner, hired specifically to make them as uncomfortable as she reasonably can because they are not nice people (with the exception of Papa Hollis. He's awesome.) This is a sequel to Freudian Sign? so I would recommend reading that first.</p><p>Find me on the internet: <a href="http://www.twitter.com/sampaicamfin">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.thespaminator.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Thanksgiving Bitter

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where I came up with the headcanon that Laura's family sucks (beyond her dad cause Papa Hollis is always awesome) but it fit for this fic so I ran with it. Just. Ran with it. I was legitimately cackling while writing some parts of this. Also that Laura nicknames people as often as Carmilla, but only in her head. I didn't want to name any/most of the family so I just came up with monikers that were representative of their personalities. Hope you like my lovelies.
> 
> As usual, comment away! I love hearing what you think. =]
> 
> <3

Early afternoon on the day after thanksgiving was not as cold as the day before, and Laura was thankful of that fact. Especially as she was standing outside of her apartment building waiting for Carmilla to arrive so they could head to her families thanksgiving party. 

 

The two women had texted some the previous night and that day, mostly just Laura filling her in on her family. She made sure to tell her that her dad was off limits for general fuckery as he was actually not only a great dad, but a great person and he supported Laura in all things, even if he went a little overboard at times. They’d also agreed to referring to each other as girlfriends, and Laura had consented to some physical flirting and touching, so long as Carmilla didn’t push the boundaries. No actual kissing on the lips or inappropriate groping of any kind unless Laura gave her the nod and even then only if the events called for it. This deal had surprised Carmilla to no end as she had suggested that rule mostly to fuck with Laura and she had taken a few minutes to text back when Laura agreed to that rule. Although it was unlikely they would be edged to that limit but they had to be prepared for all occurrences, and the brunette was fully prepared to push the boundaries with her extended family. Who knows, maybe she would be disinvited to these functions in the future. She could only hope. After having texted her details of when and where, the raven haired girl had said she’d pick Laura up at her place so here she was standing with hands in the pockets of her beige pea coat, waiting for Carmilla to arrive.

 

Laura lived not far from her shop, in an apartment building nestled in the heart of the small downtown core, surrounded by stores and busy streets. Most people in her building hated the noise but put up with it for the convenience, but the brunette actually enjoyed it for the most part. She liked being surrounded by the bustling city life. Which was why she had deigned to wait for Carmilla outside, as she could people watch until the raven haired woman arrived, however she ended up being out there for longer than she had anticipated. 

 

The woman was already seventeen minute late and Laura was beginning to wonder if taking Carmilla up on this strange offer was a mistake. The brunette huffed out a sigh and decided she’d give her another five minutes before she’d just go on her own after which, almost exactly four and a half minutes later Carmilla jogged around the corner of the street by Laura’s apartment building and skidded to a stop in front of her.

 

“Hey cutie.” The dark haired woman’s smirk was firmly in place as she met Laura’s gaze.

 

Laura narrowed her eyes at her in reproach. “You’re late.”

 

Carmilla visibly balked. “Hold on, I’m going with you to your family dinner to make your asshole family uncomfortable, and you wanted to be there on time?” She chuckled and shook her head in disbelief. “Cupcake, we start by making them wait.”

 

The shorter woman paused at this explanation, a blush rising to her cheeks as she realized the truth in it. “Oh.”

 

With a roll of her eyes Carmilla reached a hand forward and crooked it through Laura’s arm, yanking her off the stoop of her building and tight into her side as she quickly guided her down the sidewalk towards the bus station.

 

“Wait, I thought you were picking me up?” Laura looked about confusedly and turned her head to look behind herself towards the way from which Carmilla had arrived, assuming the woman had a vehicle parked somewhere she couldn’t see it.

 

The taller woman sighed resignedly. “My assumption was that there would be alcohol of some kind at this thing and I certainly won’t be driving if I’ve been drinking. I may be an asshole, but I’m not that horrible of a person that I’d drive drunk.” She left out the part where she didn’t possess a drivers license or the fact that she didn’t have it because she’d failed the test four times in a row.

 

“Really? We’re going to an ultra conservative thanksgiving dinner and you think they will have alcohol?” Laura’s voice was filled with incredulity as she stared into the side of the raven haired woman’s head with piercing eyes.

 

Their steps faltered for a moment as Carmilla’s brain caught up with what Laura had just said. “Well, fuck. Okay creampuff, looks like we’re going to be even more late, we have a stop to make.” She pulled her with a jerk to cross the road and bypass the bus stop, heading towards the small strip mall across the way.

 

***

 

When they finally found their way to Laura’s aunt’s house where the woman in question had her turn to host the families thanksgiving, they were a whopping fifty three minutes late. Carmilla’s stop had been to a liquor store where she had purchased a bottle of coke and two mickey’s of vodka of which she put one in the top of her pants at the small of her back hidden from sight by her shirt and jacket, and the second she took a few swigs of behind the liquor store in an alley, chasing each gulp with some of the coke. Laura huffed, acting annoyed with her antics but secretly excited to see what the woman had in store for her family. Carmilla lifted an exquisitely arched brow at the brunette and offered the bottle to Laura, who was just devious enough that she accepted the flat plastic bottle from Carmilla’s hand and took a few swigs herself, chasing them with the pop. They went back and forth with the bottles, finishing off the one mickey and leaving the second for later before heading to the bus station with a pleasant warmth in their bellies.

 

Arriving at the house had been interesting, they were neither of them actually drunk at that point but they were pleasantly tipsy. The walk and cool air had prevented them from progressing any further, which was probably a good thing. With the alcohol in their veins they were just lubricated enough to not give a single fuck about anything they’d say, which would only work to their advantage. The two women shuffled off their shoes in the front entrance, no one greeting them at the door as being late meant the ‘polite’ welcome was not being extended. This suited the both of them just fine.

 

“Okay, ready?” Laura looked up at Carmilla with a nervous but excited grin.

 

“Oh sweetie, need you even ask?” Carmilla husked with a wicked grin as she reached up with a hand, pulling down the zipper of her black studded leather jacket to shrug it off her shoulders and reveal her chosen outfit. Laura was pretty certain her jaw fell slack to the floor at the sight of the raven haired woman in a long red flannel worn over a black crop top and matched with a pair of sinfully tight leather pants. Pants which she hadn’t been able to properly gawk at earlier as the flannel flowed below the edge of the jacket and covered much of her, but now with the tight jacket discarded, and the flannel open to reveal her shapely body Laura found herself glad of the liquid courage in her body. She wasn’t sure she’d have been able to handle the woman stone cold sober.

 

“Uhhhhhh.........” Her tongue felt much bigger than it had only moments prior.

 

Carmilla simply smirked devilishly, pulling her shoulders back and pushing her chest forward to correct her posture and drawing the gaze of the brunette. If she was having this sort of effect on the (seemingly) innocent brunette, then she knew her outfit choice had been perfect for the night. Laura reacting to her would set off the family as well as the outfit itself. Win win.

 

At the movement, Laura managed to snap herself out of the daze and pull herself together enough to shed her own jacket to reveal a much less risqué outfit of a loosely buttoned white dress shirt paired with a string necktie left slack at the neck, which paired well with the dark pair of skinny jeans. Carmilla lifted a brow appreciatively and walked forward to sling an arm around Laura’s waist, biting her lower lip as she looked down when standing in front of the shorter girl. “I think this is your cue sundance. Lead the way.”

 

“OH! Right, yes.” Immediately Laura was jolted into family dinner mode, her game face on and determination in her eyes. Carmilla could only shake her head in wonder at the quick change as she walked with the small woman next to her towards the murmurs of speech they could hear deeper in the house.

 

Turning the corner at the end of the hallway found the two in a large room, set with tables along the sides filled with appetizers and gaudy thanksgiving themed arrangements dispersed throughout. There was an excessively large wooden table at the end of the room which had a myriad ornate chairs that looked mightily uncomfortable surrounding it, waiting for the dinner guests to take their positions. Carmilla arched a brow in silent judgment, slanting her eyes to the side to share a look of disdain with Laura who looked just as pained as Carmilla felt.

 

The sound of voices quieted as they entered, the taller woman’s arm still around the shorter woman’s waist while a well toned arm wound around Carmilla’s shoulders. Disapproving glares were felt and derisive sniffs were heard, all of which only served to both raise Carmilla’s ire and amusement in equal measure. She tightened her hold around Laura and grinned deviously at the people eyeing them as Laura smiled tightly in greeting with an awkward wave to the people. 

 

A long limbed and gaunt woman split herself from the starched collared herd and cut across the floor and Laura whispered in Carmilla’s ear a very specific nickname she had for the woman before she stopped a few feet in front of the couple with a thin smile. 

 

The woman was her dad’s sister and she had always called her Aunt Spiker rather than Aunt Stacey though, as she bore a startling resemblance to the character of the same name from the movie James and the Giant Peach. Carmilla’s lips twitched in a small smile before Spiker spoke in a brittle and shrill voice.

 

“Laura darling, I am so happy you could make it.” The woman greeted her and Carmilla had to stop herself from outright scoffing, the woman’s tone of voice and beady little eyes betrayed her statement.

 

“Thank you for the invitation Aunt Sp-Stacey.” Laura’s voice was entirely too bright. Carmilla’s eyes shot sideways at Laura’s stumble, amusement evident in them. Thankfully, Spiker hadn’t caught Laura’s accidental slip.

 

“Well your father just can’t stop talking about how well you’ve turned out, I just had to see for myself. And you are family after all.” The woman’s eyes flicked over to Carmilla for a fraction of a second as she choked out the words ‘how well you’ve turned out’ and the raven haired woman couldn’t contain her snicker. At that the stick in the mud snapped her gaze and glared at Carmilla. “And who is this dear? One of your friends?” The smile on her face held entirely too many teeth.

 

Carmilla couldn’t help herself. “Oh yeah, we’re just such great gal pals. You know, braiding each others hair, painting our nails, talking about our crushes, practicing kissing, you know. The usual.” She felt rather than heard Laura stifling her laughter as the waif like woman grimaced and twisted her lips distastefully.

 

“Aunt Stacey, this is Carmilla. My girlfriend.” Laura’s voice hardened slightly and Carmilla looked at her with an amused twitch of her lips, planting a lingering kiss to Laura’s heated cheek.

 

Aunt Spiker looked absolutely livid and she looked seconds away from snapping but they were spared by the arrival of Laura’s surprisingly tall dad who bouldered past her with his long lumbering gait, wearing a familiar grin on his face and his arms outstretched for a hug as he advanced on his daughter.

 

“PUMPKIN!” He swept her off her feet in a hug that held much force, and Laura hugged back, laughing happily while Carmilla and Spiker looked on in expressions of slight bewilderment and resignation respectively.

 

“Dad! Hi!” Laura expressed excitement and Carmilla vaguely recalled that from the information heavy texts Laura had sent her the day before, that Laura’s dad was actually her only supportive family member. She made a mental note to be respectful around the man who quite obviously loved his tiny gay daughter to bits.

 

The man lowered his daughter to her feet and turned his grin towards Carmilla. “Is this the girl you told me about honey?” 

 

“You told him about me?” Carmilla’s eyes glimmered in a teasing manner at Laura’s blush.

 

“Of course I told him about you. You’re my girlfriend.” Laura squinted her eyes and shot Carmilla a warning glare. Carmilla fought the urge to roll her eyes.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr Hollis.” Carmilla extended her hand towards the man with a polite smile, internally positively gleeful at the outraged scoff from the woman she hadn’t bothered to greet only moments before.

 

“Oh none of that nonsense, if my daughter is dating you then you are as good as family and that means a humungous Hollis hug!” The bear of a man advanced with his arms open yet again and Carmilla managed one startled step back before she was grabbed up in large warm arms, her back stiff and arms trapped tightly at her sides while her feet dangled uselessly above the floor. She caught Laura’s muffled laughter out of the side of her eye and she narrowed her eyes at her, promising with her glare that she’d get her for that later.

 

Back on her feet once again, Carmilla smiled weakly at the large man who hadn’t noticed her slight discomfort in his excitement. He stepped between the two of them and put an arm around both their shoulders, leading them past his sister and into the room proper. If the raven haired woman hadn’t been looking up at him, she’d have missed the hardening in his eyes as he swept them around the room and silently dared any of his family to say or do anything against the two small women. Carmilla’s respect for him skyrocketed.

 

***

 

Laura rolled her shoulders in slight discomfort, feeling the barbs of her families eyes digging between her shoulder blades like daggers in their judgment. Although the feeling wasn’t nearly as bad as it usually was when she came to family events, as each time someone would say something thinly veiled in contempt, Carmilla would step forward and say something snarky back, or simply lay a hand on Laura in comfort. Having an ally in someone who actually knew and likely experienced exactly the same scenarios was invaluable, and trumped an ally in the traditional sense.

 

She was swirling her glass of punch in her hand, eyeing the swirling liquid with a thought to pour some of that vodka they brought with them into it when one of her distant cousins approached her. He was a third cousin four times removed or something equally ridiculous, and not for the first time she found herself cursing her families need to make every holiday into a reunion.

 

“Cousin Laura, how are you?” The man wore a less than genuine smile and Laura had the distinct feeling he was either a used car salesman or a lawyer if his slicked back hair, slightly too big suit and self important air were anything to go by. Not like she could remember though, she didn’t even know the guys name.

 

Laura decided to call this one Smarmy.

 

Just at that moment Laura caught sight of Carmilla across the room talking to her dad. They were laughing at something, and looking to be enjoying each others company. The raven haired woman took a swig of her own already spiked punch and caught Laura’s eye as she was doing so. She lifted a brow and when lowering her cup, she licked her lips in an entirely unfair manner causing Laura’s breath to catch in her throat and forget to respond to the man standing before her until he cleared his throat loudly. “Oh! Heeeeeyyy there..... hi. Thank you, I mean, what?” Laura giggled nervously, running a hand through her hair.

 

Her cousin just frowned and cleared his throat, straightening his spine in a way that looked entirely uncomfortable. “Well. I heard from your father that you own a... fast food establishment? How is that working out for you?” The note of scorn in his voice was not lost on the brunette and she felt her hackles rise in response.

 

“It’s going great actually. I get to work for myself every day and I have the right to refuse service to terrible people.” Laura’s smile was very toothy, more like a baring of her teeth than a smile in actuality.

 

“Well that must be... interesting. But I imagine that with running your own business you don’t get much time to date.” Laura breathed a sigh of relief at the fairly innocuous and surprisingly accurate observation. “I actually brought a few friends tonight, and one of them would like to meet you.” Smarmy turned slightly and beckoned a friend over with his hand. A tall friend. A broad shouldered friend. A male friend. Laura’s sigh of relief was forgotten and replaced with seething red rage. “Laura, I’d like you to meet........” Laura zoned out of the explanation and mention of Fresh Meat’s name. She didn’t know that this guy was a horrible human yet though so she accepted his offered hand for what she had assumed would be a handshake which, while awkward enough was still the civil thing to do. She shouldn’t have done that, Fresh Meat lifted her hand and placed an open mouthed, too firm and entirely too wet kiss to the back of it. It took all her strength to suppress the shudder she felt rattle her bones.

 

As the tall man spoke to Laura she pulled her hand back and surreptitiously wiped it on her pant leg, eyes searching wildly for her date to rescue her. She needn’t have bothered looking to draw the woman over, as just then she felt a slight but strong arm wrap around her waist possessively. The shorter woman turned to look at the new arrival, smiling brightly up at the smirking face so close to her own. Carmilla ducked down and placed a soft closed mouth kiss to Laura’s cheek as she squeezed her waist lightly for a moment, her positioning allowing the brunette to whisper her names for the two men into her ear. Laura’s cheeks flushed at the kiss and she looked down shyly for a moment before drawing her eyes back to the two men who were standing awkwardly across from them.

 

“Hey there cupcake, I’ve missed you.” Carmilla turned sharp eyes onto the two men as she stepped slightly behind Laura to rest her chin on her shoulder and rub her cheek against hers. Her other arm came around the brunette’s front and met her other hand on Laura’s abdomen, clasping them comfortably on a flat stomach.

 

“Guys, this is Carmilla, my girlfriend. And before you ask, no not in the we’re girls and friends way. In the gay way. The very, very gay way.” Laura let her hands fall to clasp over the raven haired woman’s, attributing the sudden warmth in her body to the alcohol in her system rather than the contact. The feeling of Carmilla’s full front pressed to her back and arms clasped low on her belly was clearly not responsible for the reaction, nope. No way. 

 

Fresh Meat coughed and sputtered, looking sideways at Smarmy for a moment. “I see.” Laura silently begged for him to leave it there only to be disappointed. “But don’t you find that there are certain.... things that a woman can’t provide.” He laughed and elbowed Smarmy in the side, his face creased with a lecherous grin.

 

Laura couldn’t see it, but she practically felt Carmilla roll her eyes. “Don’t be dense. I can provide everything a man can. And yes, that includes _exactly_ what you’re thinking. Just requires a trip to a _specialty_ store and some ingenuity.” A dark chuckle followed her words and Laura’s breath hitched when she felt a nibble on her earlobe. “Creampuff here is quite happy with me, don’t you fret.”

 

Both Smarmy and Fresh Meat frowned. Smarmy sucked on his teeth before he gave voice to his thoughts. “Why do you call her all those nicknames? You’ve called her at least two dessert names this evening that I’ve heard. She has a name and you would be wise to use it.” The dickface had the gall to act as though he was protecting his cousin, thus encouraging fierce indignation to rise in both women. In the face of the man’s hypocrisy, Laura turned her head toward Carmilla and gave a slight nod.

 

Carmilla’s eyes took on a feral glint and she upped the ante. “Have you heard the phrase, ‘you are what you eat?’ Well let’s just say that particular idiom happens to hold true for cutie here.” Carmilla’s finger tips grasped on Laura’s stomach and she angled her head to track her lips near the brunette’s. Not quite touching, but both women felt the other’s breath on their lips and were aware of the quickening of it. “She has a serious sweet tooth.” The raven haired woman bit her bottom lip while allowing her eyes to fall and take in every move of the brunette’s, catching a tongue darting out and wetting soft pink lips.

 

Fresh Meat looked confused. “Ooookay, but that’s what she eats. That doesn’t make any sense. You’re not the one with a sweet tooth.”

 

Releasing a low chuckle, Carmilla turned her head and arched a brow at the dumbfounded man, noticing that Smarmy had started to slowly distance himself. “Oh you poor innocent man child. Who said anything about me eating actual sweets? I meant _Laura_ was.... sweet to taste. Delicious really.” A fiendish smirk followed her words, and the men sputtered and after trying (and failing) to find a retort to that, they both wandered away leaving a gleeful woman in their wake. Laura would have been laughing along with her, but she was incapacitated in that moment due to Carmilla’s *ahem* _word_ play.

 

Having achieved her goal for the moment, the raven haired woman pulled away and stalked off towards the drink table for a refill, leaving Laura standing stock still and breathing erratically. As the trouble maker reached the table and filled her punch cup with a little room to spare, she turned and regarded Laura still standing where she’d left her. Rolling her eyes, Carmilla poured a drink for Laura as well and proceeded to walk past her and towards the empty hallway.

 

“You gonna stand there all night buttercup or are you going to follow me so we can improve these drinks away from prying eyes?” An impatient sigh left her lips and she tapped a foot, only ceasing when Laura snapped out of it and followed her into the hall.

 

***

 

An hour later found the two finally sitting at the giant dinner table which barely held all of the people present. Including Laura, Carmilla, Papa Hollis, Spiker, Smarmy and Fresh Meat there were 20 guests all smooshed in, elbow to elbow. Which while on the one hand was really fucking annoying to Carmilla, it also provided ample opportunities for them to push the envelope a little.

 

While lucky little Laura was seated between her dad and Carmilla, she was forced to have Laura’s old, creaky and dusty grandfather on her other side. She was fiddling with her silverware and making him huff in annoyance at her when Laura leaned over and whispered in her ear, “That’s my ultra conservative granddad Phillip, dad and Spiker’s father, but in my head I call him Snatcher cause he reminds me of the creepy dude Archibald Snatcher from the Boxtrolls.” Carmilla snorted and bit her lips to prevent herself from outright laughing at the man who she now pictured in a red coat and tall hat in her head.

 

Laura giggled as she sat up again and turned to listen to something her dad was saying to his sister. 

 

A loud cough disrupted her momentary quiet and she turned to see one of Laura’s uncles (one the tiny brunette had nicknamed Zorg for his rather unfortunate hair cut) trying to get her attention. “So, Camille.” At fucking up her name, Carmilla made the decision to make him squirm just that extra amount. “How did you and Laura become friends?” There it was again.

 

“Well sir, I have had lots of _girlfriends_ over the years but none quite like Laura here.” She nudged the brunette’s shoulder to draw her attention, causing Laura to smile brightly at her and lean on her shoulder with her hands around Carmilla’s arm which had moved to allow her hand to rest on Laura’s thigh. “Honestly I used to go through my gal pals so quickly and there were so many that I never thought I’d find one I could stick with.” Zorg was starting to look uncomfortable. But he wasn’t where Carmilla wanted him quite yet. “But then I was walking one day and stumbled upon a sign for a donair shop and when I saw it I had to introduce myself to the person who had _erected_ it.” Laura buried her face in Carmilla’s shoulder in embarrassment. “I went in to the shop and lo and behold, there was Laura. And when I spoke to her I knew I had to get to know her better.” She shrugged her shoulder slightly and jostled Laura, encouraging her to meet her eyes. “Cutie, when I saw that ridiculous dildo meat tower and then when I saw someone as beautiful as you was behind it, I knew you were the one for me.” At this point Zorg’s face turned red in either embarrassment or rage, Carmilla couldn’t tell nor did she care at that moment. Laura was looking at her with her eyes slightly narrowed, trying to read something in Carmilla’s expression. Apparently finding it, the brunette smiled softly and angled up to plant a quick peck to the raven haired woman’s lips. Suffice it to say Carmilla was slightly shocked and failed to register the family’s overall negative response to that (except for Laura’s dad, he thought it was adorable.) All that was going through her slightly alcohol muddied brain was, _I want to do that again. But longer and without an audience. Also, sober would be good._

 

***

 

The dinner itself had mostly been uneventful up to that point as the family had basically ignored them the entire time with the exception of Laura’s dad who of course was a delight, and Fresh Meat throwing them lascivious looks and gestures throughout the night. To which Carmilla responded with well timed middle fingers, fear inducing glares, and toying with the knife next to her plate in a vaguely threatening manner. 

 

Finally, the gigantic turkey was brought out (honestly, it looked like it might have weighed up to 30 fucking pounds. Where the fuck had they found that beast?!) and set in the centre of the table. Snatcher stood up to carve it, his considerable paunch pushing at the edge of the table and jostling dishes as he did so. Carmilla and Laura had to turn into each others necks to stifle their giggles. They were both edging into slightly drunk territory and the tragedy that was Laura’s family only served to make them hysterical.

 

Snatcher harrumphed at them and continued to carve the turkey to the delight of the other occupants of the table. They grabbed their portions and filled their plates with other food, moving on into dinner conversation and smalltalk. Carmilla was awful at small talk.

 

Thankfully Laura saved that moment in turning to her and asking her if she’d seen the video of Emma Watson interviewing Malala Yousafzai. This was a topic Carmilla had many opinions on as just like Laura, she identified as a feminist and held much respect for the two women working to enact positive change. They were now facing each other as well as they could considering the close quarters, Carmilla’s eyes lighting up at the subject more than Laura had seen up until that point and they were gravitating towards each other in shared enthusiasm. 

 

They ate their meals and by the end of it, their conversation was heating up to which their voices were raising though they didn’t notice it, and Snatcher caught wind of the ‘dirty’ feminism word and his chest puffed out in indignation before he voiced his entirely unwelcome opinion. “You know girls, I wouldn’t have a problem with this whole feminism thing if it didn’t turn men into whiny little girls. Just the other day I saw a man walking down the street with his son who was wearing a pink dress and green tiara! That is just unacceptable.”

 

Carmilla arched a brow at him. “I agree with you Phil.” She slapped a hand down on his shoulder, startling both him and Laura who had turned betrayed and suspicious eyes on her. “That is unacceptable.”

 

Snatcher blustered and seemed to inflate with righteousness. “Well I am glad that you, a young person agrees with me. You give me some hope for this generation.”

 

With a very serious air, Carmilla looked at him and nodded her head. “Thank you Phil.” She removed her hand and just as the man was about to preen again, she continued. “I mean not only is it unacceptable, but it’s borderline neglectful!” The woman’s voice was rising and drawing the attention of practically the whole table at this point. The worse guests were nodding their heads in agreement, getting amped up with her passionate display. “How could that father do that to his child?! That poor boy is going to be on the receiving end of so much hate and bullying because of that.” People were slamming their hands on the table and spouting their support. Spiker, Snatcher, and Smarmy all looking on in approval. Laura meanwhile, was looking more and more sick with each word. Just as she was about to stand and leave, Carmilla dropped the proverbial bomb that would really disrupt the evening. “Fuck, that father should have known better than to pair pink with GREEN of all colours!!!! The lack of coordination and general neglect of fashion is really and truly criminal. Did he not even look at the paired outfits that are usually available?” Her voice was loud and only rising with each word. “They should have gone to the disney store and got that kid an Elsa dress with a matching sparkly BLUE tiara. He would have been the envy of all his friends, but instead he has to suffer with the subpar choices his father made for him??! I am so fucking mad right now!” She stood up suddenly and her chair clattered to the floor behind her, the table in front of her splashed with her drink from her almost violent hand gestures when she was in the throes of her impassioned speech. Some of which was splattered over Snatcher (entirely not on purpose. Obviously.)

 

For a few seconds the entire table was utterly speechless, the quiet threatening to engulf them all. But it was shattered when Laura could no longer hold her laughter back as it burst out of her chest in loud and jovial bursts, her father not far behind her. Carmilla scanned her eyes across the other guests, catching their now outraged glares and sneers, to which she then joined Laura and her dad in their laughter. They just couldn’t help themselves.

 

Following her outburst, Spiker and Snatcher raved at them and how inappropriate they were. They told them to leave and not to come back unless they had cleansed their souls of the scourge of depravity that included their homosexuality and penchant for public lewdness. The two girls happily removed themselves from the table, Carmilla saluting Snatcher in a mocking manner as they left the room. Laura snorted and laughed again as they made their way to the front to put on their shoes and jackets. 

 

They were about ready to leave when they heard a chalkboard level screech come from the dining room, followed by Laura’s dad walking through the doorway to join them in putting on his shoes and jacket. 

 

“Uh, dad?” Laura looked at the man, a dumbfounded expression taking over her features.

 

“Oh, I’m coming with you honey. If my daughter and her girlfriend aren’t welcome here, then I won’t be staying either.” He smiled like nothing was wrong and ushered the girls outside and into his truck, deigning to drive them home. Laura was still entirely lost, not knowing either what happened to induce that shriek earlier, or why her dad was acting totally cool with the whole situation.

 

***

 

She got her answer when Carmilla invited herself up into Laura’s apartment to sleep on her couch for the night. Apparently, when earlier in the night Laura had seen Carmilla and her dad talking, Carmilla had told him of their plan. It would seem he thought it was a great idea, and wasn’t opposed to seeing his family squirm at all which surprised Laura. She’d have to ask him sometime why they kept going to those ‘family’ functions if he was as uncomfortable with them as she was.

 

For the time being though, Laura was going to go to sleep with a smile on her face for a mission accomplished, and warmth in her body. Of which was definitely not entirely due to the alcohol, and potentially to do with the memory of supple lips against hers.

 

Maybe.

 


End file.
